12 March 2010

That Conversation

It's been a while since I've teared up while watching Grey's Anatomy. I think the last time was after George's father died and Christina gave him the "Welcome to the Club" talk outside of the hospital. I had just lost my mom and so much of that moment resonated with me. Bring forth the tears.

Last night's episode offered up a more subtle moment that left me verklempt: Arizona telling Torres she didn't want children. That face, the one above? I like to think I am better at hiding my disbelief than my beloved Torres, but I am all too familiar with that face. It's the moment you realize the relationship has an expiration date, much like milk. It's an insanely sad moment because I can feel myself letting go of the other person despite wanting to hold them close as long as I can. But I know I will have to let them go and my systems begin this automatically.

Here's the thing: I want kid. I've built my life around having a kid. I don't want to ensnare someone else into that process who doesn't want to live through that chaos. I want school plays and midnight vomiting, heart breaks and first days of school. Not everyone wants that. I get it, I do. But I want it and I'm not willing to negotiate around it so when I hear those words from the person I am seeing, I begin letting go.

So, yes, I teared up over one of the most melodramatic shows on TV. I'm okay with it and hope it's not going to reflect on my taste level too badly.

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